That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
