She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
