I wish I could teleport
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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