how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
