just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
