before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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