i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
