It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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