Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
