I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
