Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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