Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
