i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
