It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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