Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
