it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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