She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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