She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
