evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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