How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
