i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize