I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
