He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am available for nakedness
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
