I don't think brook has ever known best
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
