I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
