Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
