I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
