Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
