I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We are two peas in an std pod
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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