yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it hurts more in the daytime
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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