I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
