yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
