dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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