my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
