I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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