WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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