I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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