mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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