is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
