The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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