curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
