Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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