so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
