Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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