I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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