My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
