Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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