just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
