shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
