I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
