Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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