You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
