Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
