ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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