Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
