Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
