don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
